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Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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Thursday, March 13th, 2008
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| Time: | 8:28 am. |
| Mood: |  optimistic. |
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Per usual...I was looking back at my entries, realizing that I need to update more frequently:
Specifically, I was looking at my entries of last year and shocked at how busy I thought I was. I am far more busy now, and stressed. There are plenty of positives though, and I've learned more than I ever thought I was going to learn in just my first year. I'm excited about life [most days] and happy with my overall situation in Montana. I just wish my friends and family were closer and that there wasn't so much pressure to perform academically and professionally [and financially?] all the time--welcome to the real world?
I made a few entries like this last year and I found it quite helpful:
6 days until I owe Wendy 32 renderings for Othello *aye*
8 days until I fly home for a [short] Spring Break
40 days until House of Blue Leaves (my first official design for UM) opens
57 days until the end of the term
103 days until I turn 23! I hope I don't spend my birthday on a train...Heather ;)
161 days until my second year of grad school starts, *sigh*
Approx 780 days until I graduate with my MFA
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Sunday, January 27th, 2008
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I'm sitting here eating a burger and green beans, and I'm pretty content. It's 37 degrees today, which is about a 40 degree jump from the horrendous weather we experienced last week. This is what's gone on in my life since I last updated...
The end of break was amazing! I got a new macbook for Christmas, I had plenty of quality time with the fam, Uncle Gregg visited, and we went to FL. In FL I got to see Judy, Grandma, Grandpa and a bunch of old friends. I REALLY miss Florida and would love to return after I finish my MFA. We drove back to SC on right before New Years. Rang in the new year playing Turbo Cranium and eating cookies (amazing, all around).
I flew back to MT on New Years Day :( I was really sad to leave, and am still sad that I had to leave so early. Shane met me at the airport and had bought me flowers, gum, slippers, and string cheese (ha, well at least he takes notes). That was nice, because it was really cold and I was angry that I was in Montana again. Haha, it's not that Montana isn't a really beautiful state, it's just that I wasn't made for the cold...I'm slowly figuring this out (and a bit too late).
School didn't start until this Tuesday, but the reason I returned early was to work on the Montana Repertory Theatre's production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Wendy designed it and Lela draped it. I was the firsthand, again. I actually like being the firsthand...they're in charge of cutting almost everything out, making sure any patterns on the fabric match (if applicable), quality control of the stitchers and also giving the stitchers instructions on how to construct garments. Alongside those responsibilities, I constructed a beautiful and expensive sueded silk robe, crazy raglan sleeves on a (supposed to be) horrendous maternity top, and tons of alterations. All in all, it was a good experience...and one I got paid for (beyond my stipend).
I moved mid-month to a house with 2 other girls: Jenn and Marylesa. They are both really nice and now I have cable and LEGAL internet. I also have a lot more space and it's a HOUSE not a dingy APARTMENT...weeeeeee! I'm still in the process of unpacking and decorating, but maybe pictures after I get that accomplished.
I started teaching two sections of Stage Make-up this term. So far it has gone really well. I love to teach. I don't care what age level it is, or really what subject (so long as I know what I'm talking about). The students have their first application a week from tomorrow, and I'm excited to see if they can put into practice everything I've taught them so far. I teach Monday-Thursday for 2 hours a day...so it's a huge addition to my already busy schedule. *phew*
My other classes are going well too. I have Graduate Rendering (an art class in various media to help us create more accurate renderings), Grad Costume Design II, and Int. Costume Construction...I'm not taking draping anymore, which is sad. But it makes my schedule more manageable. Lots of drawing this term, making me a happy camper/student :P
In other news, I was really sick this past week. I had the flu and I'm getting over 2 ear infections. I finally went to see the doctor on Thursday and got a bunch of meds...as a result, I'm feeling much better. However, I would go to class between 8-11 (depending on the day) and then return home between around 5 and just go to bed for the rest of the night...yikes! I was tired, and really only got lectures written last week. I have a lot to catch up on today. Yesterday, we had portfolio reviews for professionals weekend. That went AWESOME, which I wasn't expecting because I didn't really change my portfolio from the last review and they didn't like it that much. That time we didn't get to talk though...we just gave them our portfolios and left. This time it was interview format, and I love interviews so I did pretty stellar *toot toot* yes, I'm tooting my own horn.
Today *HEAT WAVE* lol, 37 shouldn't feel warm. It's supposed to snow tonight, and all week long, BOOOOO. I picked up a few groceries and a new pair of shoes to reward myself for a week of "healthy" eating (I didn't eat anything but soup, primarily because nothing else sounded appealing) and for surviving my first week of lecturing. I'm more excited about this week because I'm not sick and I can hit the gym, have more energetic lectures, get homework accomplished, and hang out with my cool new roommates.
Here's to a better term...or at least hoping for a smoother ride :P
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Thursday, December 20th, 2007
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It's nice to be home, but all I can think about is when I'll have to go back.
I think that graduate school is going pretty well. I've learned a ton, and it is what I want to be doing, BUT it was too much work. I barely slept at all for the last 2 weeks of the term. Also, it's really cold there. It's not so cold here. My dog is here. My family is here. *Sigh* I just, there are good and bad things about both places.
I have really mixed feelings, but I feel like so much needs to be different next term. Furthermore, I wouldn't have agreed to work as the firsthand on Cat on a Hot Tin Roof if I had known how November and December were going to go. Actually mid-October through mid-December was pure hell...5 weeks off would have been nice. Instead, I'm headed back on New Years Day to start working again for 3 weeks before the term starts.
As usual, this entry has turned into rambling. Amanda, Danielle, and I went to Ulta to go makeup shopping...I couldn't decide on anything I wanted, but looking in mirrors makes me sick because I made the stupid decision to get my eyebrows waxed and the woman did them WAY TOO THIN! Soooo that's unfortunate. Danielle had a coupon for a $5 Mystic tan, so I took her up on that because that's $20 off. It takes 24 hours for that to develop...so we'll see how that goes. Here's hoping it goes a lot better than the eyebrows because I'm feeling rather down on my looks as of late.
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Saturday, November 24th, 2007
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Okay, so I love trance/techno/dance music. I don't care if it's cheesy. I feel like I can get everything in the world done when I listen to it.
++++++++
* HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY ERICA NICOLE SCHRAG!!!!! :) xoxoxox <3 <3 <3
*I bought an exercise bike :) I don't really have the money for it, but I'm never going to make it to the gym at this rate and I love spinning...soooo now I can in the comfort of my own apartment and with the techno jams a'blaring!
*Wooooot Never Ending Story Techno Dance Remix
*I don't weigh as much as I thought I did, though my muscle probably turned to fat...uh, I'm not as fat as I thought I was? I'm such a girl.
*I'm roasting a turkey breast and have tons of leftover veggies from Thanksgiving. I feel so much better when I try to eat balanced and wholesome foods!
*Today I'll catch up on some more schoolwork.
*I go home in 20 days!!!
*Design meetings for my very first design assignment begin next week: House of Blue Leaves 2008 WOOOOOO I'm stoked!
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*Only 2 weeks left in the term and 1 week of exams, soooo much work to do before then.
*I have nothing ready for portfolio reviews in 2 weeks
*OMG It's cold, but I'm actually adjusting quite nicely.
<3 to the world. I'm so perky today :)
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Friday, November 23rd, 2007
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Okay, so my last entry was positive and negative.
I need to start writing in my journal more; I learn a lot looking back...even if I look at entries from a few weeks ago...few years ago...it's all helpful.
Sooooo...
I'm thankful today. I guess I'm a day late.
I'm thankful for:
1. My family...I have so many great memories with them and we only keep making more and more. No one has a perfect family, and I'm coming to realize that slowly. Despite the craziness, I think my family is pretty close to the perfect family. They are AMAZING individuals as friends, workers, students, on and on...SCHRAG'S RULE! P.S. Lily is the best dog in the world and I miss her so much!!
2. The opportunity to continue my education. I know I complain a lot about school lately. I am so lucky to be able to go to graduate school FOR FREE! I am learning so much and I have made some great friends. I can't wait until draping next term. When I look back at journal entries concerning school I can see how I ended up where I am, and I'm happy for that.
3. My Car! It has been so helpful to have a car again. I don't know what I would do without one now that it has started snowing. As much as riding my bike was helping me squeeze in a little activity, I need this car!
4. Missoula...it really is beautiful in Montana :)
5. Life. I need to stop taking things for granted.
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It was Thanksgiving today (well, technically yesterday). I was looking back over old journal entries, and decided that this Thanksgiving was pretty unique.
It was the first Thanksgiving I have ever spent without my family. And none of my family had Thanksgiving together. In a way, I think that made it easier...because it wasn't like there was anything they were doing without me...so I couldn't feel left out. Does that make sense?
I went to Lisa Marie's house (she's an instructor at school and her husband Cody is in a grad student for acting). Wendy (my adviser), Angelina (costume shop manager), Jason (TD), his wife Erin (drama/dance secretary), Michael (directing Grad student), Celina (works at the Montana Rep), and Michelle (acting grad student) were all there. It was good times, lots of sillyness, TOO MUCH FOOD, I ate about 24 cookies. We talked a lot about the program, life stories, more about theatre, gossiped, watched a deer in the front lawn, dressed LM's cats up funny, ate more, watched fireplace TV, pretended I visited Mars, ate even more, and talked. Afterward Angelina and I went to Erin and Jason's and played Hoopla for awhile. I came home around 9:30pm...a pretty long day. Talked on the phone with some friends and watched an episode of project runway4 that I'd DLed.
I ate way too much and now I have a sugar hangover. It's late again. My sleep cycles are very offfff and it's frustrating. I'm hoping to get a lot of school work done tomorrow and Saturday. Sunday we have a work call to finish up Tartuffe.
Tomorrow I want to start working out again (more regularly). It's really cold here and snowy, which is nice for a change, but not so good if you want to run outdoors. I'm not happy with where I am athletically and physically...that makes me an unhappy person in general, so I need to do something about it.
There's only 2 more weeks left in the term and then one week of exams. I don't have much going on during finals week, but I'm not leaving MT until the 14th. My head hurts so bad. I'm drinking tea and will try to go to bed by 3am.
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Saturday, November 17th, 2007
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Summary of my past two weeks:
*Working 40+ hours in the costume shop alone trying to finish Tartuffe up...
*Still teaching class/TAing/attending my own classes/trying to get all hw done
*Getting between 3-5 hours of sleep a night is not going to work much longer
*Have worked through every weekend for the past month (at least, maybe the past 6 weeks)
*Managed to get my car towed while watching a friend's dog at her apartment
*Above mentioned dog also ate my glasses in the same weekend
*The next weekend I lost my last pair of contacts, was blind for a day
*I also lost my cell phone, so I went a week without talking to anyone outside of MT...that was sad
I sound really negative. Tonight, even though it's 2a.m. and I'll only get 4 hours of sleep on a day I'd like to catch up on sleep..I'm positive.
I watched project runway while I was sketching out some ideas, and felt really good about everything I've learned so far. I'm only going to be more bad ass after draping next term. But still, I'm f'ing tired. Furthermore, I want some semblance of a life.
P.S. I like a nice boy and he likes me back :P
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Thursday, November 1st, 2007
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I've never been so busy in my life.
People say "I've been really busy."
This tops it.
It's now past 2:30am and I still have work to accomplish. I couldn't handle the mess in my apartment any longer, so I spent 2 hours cleaning that. There's still a test to study for, a lecture to write, a seminar to plan/write/design...just for tomorrow. So no sleep tonight, nice.
I've been getting really bad headaches. I think from stress/tiredness/irregular schedules. I had a migraine so bad I threw up on Tuesday. What did I do? Laid down for an hour and went into school/work anyways...trying to avoid another weekend at school. Well, I got work accomplished, feeling miserable, aaaaand we're still working this weekend, peachy.
I'm so tired, and now I'm wasting time in my LJ, but I just thought I should document this for myself, so that later in life when I think I'm "busy" I'll realize I'm doing good if I got in one or two meals and got 4 hours of sleep.
So tired.
I'm learning a lot.
But I'm so tired. There are people I want to call that I can't. I miss my family and friends. One day I'll get the hang of this grad school thing and feel a little more normal.
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Saturday, October 27th, 2007
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It's like raaaaa-iiiii-ain on your wedding day,
It's a free riiiiiide, when you've already paid...
OMG, a car is a blessing
to just have it to drive around singing retarded songs at the top of my lungs
it just means more to my sanity than you could ever imagine.
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Monday, September 17th, 2007
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Today I patterned four petticoats and one corset...there is some tweaking to be done. I have to be in from 8-6pm tomorrow; that's the way it is most days. I am exhausted, and I haven't even been able to workout. I've worked out 3 times since I've been here. I know I'm biking to and from school everyday, but it's not enough to give me the mood boost I need.
Tomorrow I'll do more patterning and ordering the stitchers round. Sometimes I don't know how I got where I am. I really love it. I'm just really tired.
Enough procrastinating, I have flat patterning garbage to read.
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Sunday, September 16th, 2007
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I finally cleaned my apartment and unpacked entirely. Well, I do still have to scrub the tub...as much as I love cleaning, that's my least favorite task. It feels really nice to not have piles of junk. There was so much stuff to do I was paralyzed. BUT...It's done now! I have a lot of work today and I overslept again. I meant to wake up at 7 and ended up sleeping in until 9. I don't know what's going on because I keep getting 6 or 7 hours of sleep a night and then some nights I'll accidentally sleep 9 or 10! Ugh, and I even bought a new alarm clock, but no alarm clock can rival the alarm clock I had through undergrad--that was a beast!
The Gators beat Tennessee yesterday, that was pretty awesome. Beat, is an understatement, they CREAMED Tennessee. It makes me really sad to have to listen to that games instead of seeing them because I don't have any football fan friends here and I don't have a TV (or cable) myself. Furthermore, it makes me really sad to have to call my dad on the phone to say "Go Gators" or to do the cheers...but at least I have a cool enough dad that he'll do that, it's fun that at least we're both doing the same thing at the same time.
I like Montana. I really LOVE the school and the faculty. I think in the past I was somewhat a Furman elitist. Probably because I had to pay so damn much for that school--in my mind it HAD to be the best. I will admit, the education I'm receiving at Montana will be equally hard to obtain and the professors are equally intelligent. Here's the exception: I think the undergrads are monkies (not all of them, just many). So I question the level of intelligence required to participate in the undergraduate program...if I had so many [let's be blunt] IDIOTS in my classes, I would scream and drop-out. End rant.
I finished my first portfolio review on Friday and it went surprisingly well. I was very worried about the amount of art compared to the amount of costuming that I had in my digital presentation and resume vs the undergrads and faculty that also presented. The presentation was in front of all the Design/Tech undergrads and faculty. We had to make copies of our resume for everyone and present our portfolios, we were "encouraged" (which really means required, I figured out very quickly) to make a digital presentation...so I had a week to turn my flat portfolio into a digital portfolio. I threw together (what I thought) was a shoddy presentation, but I received several compliments.
Today I need to go pick my bike up at the school. On Friday, the costume shop manager gave me a ride to the downtown music festival where most of the faculty and grad students were hanging after portfolio reviews. So I've left it there all weekend and just used my legs and the crazy bus system. Maybe I'll run there and bike back! It's nice out today. Then I have about 20 renderings to complete by the end of the week aaaaand 2 scripts to read and analyze, cool. Lots of work!
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
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I've spent a lot of time reading over old LJ entries, looking at old pictures, and trying my best to piece together the events of the last 5 or so years of my life.
It's been interesting and overly-introspective. I'm glad I have these journal entries when I read them. I want to update more so that I can read back another 5 years from now and see how I got where I am.
For example: re-reading the entire move to NY and my first year at Furman make me realize how many friends I had and lost, and wish I still had. These two years also showed me all the little good times I had (even if they were in between some very rocky times)...there was good in it.
I'm so happy for my opportunity in Montana. In many ways I feel as though I don't deserve it: I'm not a theatre major and many of the undergrads know more about costume construction than I do. But if I bring up any of my doubts and shortcomings to my advisor she just encourages me and tells me she chose me for personality, uniqueness, and driven attitude! And that's just what I need to hear.
Also, because my entries have been so stream-of-consciousness, they've been very disjointed and I ask my future self to keep that in mind...I'm so excited about reading this down the road when I've earned my second degree. Where will I be?
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Saturday, September 1st, 2007
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| Time: | 2:18 pm. |
| Mood: | chipper. |
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I think moving far away from everyone and everything I knew is just what I need.
Today I figured out a new line on the bus. I LOVE figuring simple things like that out, all by myself. It sounds silly, but even finding a random cafe I like, or a good place to get a cheap Coca...it's fun. I'm so thankful for my time this summer in Europe. Not that this is Europe--BY ANY MEANS. But there are so many similarities because of the independence I experienced this summer.
HEATHER, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME DO IT!
The buses, the confusion, learning new places, body language, culture, managing money, distancing myself from friends and family (with the exception of my traveling buddy), keeping things "simple"...
RAMBLE RAMBLE
I'm just, I feel so strange lately. Like, hey, I'm an adult and I get to change/keep/explore everything I learned about life and "truths" and rearrange and come up with my own reality.
We had the most amazing lecture about perceived intelligence, cultural realities, and imposed truths on Thursday in Dramatic Lit. Don't ask me what it had to do with the monologue we're analyzing, because it was so tangential. However, the professor, the 70 y.o. retired dean of the fine arts department said something so simple: "It's when something doesn't fit inside of what you've learned as 'normal' or 'true' that you ask questions or dwell on that thing. This is what teachers like to call a 'teachable-moment' and the more of these moments you have the more intelligent you begin to feel." And I realized, wow! There's no better way to be teachable than to move away from everything and everyone you know, because then almost EVERYTHING is outside the norm!
Lately I feel more like a psycho philosophy major than a Costume Designer. Meh, at least I've got college football to keep me grounded.
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| Time: | 1:43 am. |
| Mood: |  silly. |
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Have you seen I <3 Huckabees? Tonight I had an existential crisis.
Let me start from the beginning.
I finished my first week of graduate school. It was one of the best, most exciting, and door opening weeks I've had in a really really long time. It was also one of the most terrifying, exhausting, and confusing weeks I've had in an equally long amount of time. And I floated through most of it in a haze of faculty meetings, department parties, and a whirl of new names of my "colleagues"--a concept I have a hard enough time wrapping my head around...my professors are my colleagues? Guh, huh?
Every night I came home, let the dishes pile up, did my homework, talked on the phone, and stared at the ceiling...slightly lonely...slightly happy to be living on my own...and pretty much petrified, but pleased with myself. But not thinking about it. Just staring.
Today right after the faculty meeting, which I attend because I'm the Drama/Dance Grad Student Rep (hold your applause, maybe I'm not ready for that position)...I had a mini freak out in my advisor's office. It was only mini though. Just talked to her about how I didn't feel like the professors' equal and how I wanted respect but didn't know if I could command it. Blah blah, but after I got that out I felt better and I redeemed myself at the end with an "I can do this" speech. So when I finished working in the costume shop, on my 2 mile walk home, I bought myself a candy bar and a coke, and watched 6 episodes of Weeds (Season 2, excellent stuff) in a row.
Out of nowhere, I just had this "I'm alive, wtf, why haven't I felt this way in awhile?" feeling? Maybe it was all the caffeine. And now it's nearly 2 a.m. and I can't stop thinking about how quickly everything changes.
I guess I can't truly have an existential crisis because I believe in an afterlife. But for tonight, I feel like I've been living in a haze for a good 4 years. And I feel like I'm still living in that haze and I had one brief moment of clarity...and I want it back. Does this make sense or am I ramble ramble rambling. Perhaps I should have just gone to the bar with the rest of the department tonight.
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Monday, August 20th, 2007
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| Time: | 11:04 pm. |
| Mood: |  nervous. | | Music: | "Little boxes on the hillside". |
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So it just occurred to me...
I'm moving really far away from everyone I know. I'm not going to visit home until December. I don't have a car. I don't have friends there. And to make matters worse: I have to stay in a hotel for 2 nights while my landlord finishes the remodel.
I haven't finished packing...in fact, I haven't touched anything since I got back from Boston. I've laid around eating ice cream and animal crackers complaining about how hot it's been and spent most of my time watching movies on-demand with Amanda and my Dad (oh, I also got into the new Showtime show Dexter and watched all 12 episodes of season 1).
It's always a sign that I'm way nervous/afraid when I eat ridiculous amounts of sugar, get really lazy, and procrastinate: I've surely done all three. It's not that I'm afraid of school, working hard, or anything related to the reason for me moving out there. I'm afraid of being lonely, afraid of isolating myself, afraid of shutting the world out like I tend to do when I'm overwhelmed.
I said goodbye to my Mom today and she just kept crying. I didn't cry, not in front of her. I wanted her to feel confident in my decision--funny, because I'm not really as confident about it as I make myself out to be. And I went on a walk with my Dad tonight and he kept saying how much he's going to miss me and I scoffed it off...then cried for 30 minutes in the bathroom alone after we got home.
Freshman year of college, I was too busy partying it up to realize what a big change I'd made...moving from FL to NY to SC in just over a year. Then I got "lucky" and my family moved nearby.
Kjdkajkdjf I'm rambling, I'm nervous. I'm nervous about my antisocial self. Also, I have 2 loads of laundry to do and a super early morning flight so it looks like I'm not getting any sleep tonight. Here we go Coca-cola and boxes.
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
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| Time: | 12:35 am. |
| Mood: | worried. | | Music: | The Doors-Poetry. |
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My dad bought a USB converter that allows you to connect HDs to your computer...
I pulled the HD out of my old Vaio from Freshman and Sophomore year of college and started reminiscing. Oh man. Old music, pictures, even the internet history started a snowball of memories. I started reading old emails, AIM conversations, homework assignments. I am freaking out now!
4 years went by so fast.
So much has changed in 4 years.
I'm 22 and I already graduated from college.
Where is my life going?!
This summer was so great for me. I went to Europe with my best friend Heather. It really was a life changing trip. I was too overwhelmed with the trip this summer and all the craziness that comes with traveling to really stop and think about the future. But now I'm left with plenty of time on my hands to sit and drive myself insane.
I'm going to try so hard to make good friends in Montana. I'm also going to try really hard to stay in contact with my old friends. Why am I such a retard when it comes to making and keeping friends?
akjkdfjiadjfk I'm not going to be able to sleep now, because I'm just going to sit up all night looking at this darn HD. Where has all the time gone? I've got to make the best of my 3 years in MT. I must, I must, I must make good friends and not be anti-social.
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Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
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| Time: | 2:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  ecstatic. |
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Directing: A
Senior Seminar/Show: A
Independent Study (Eco-Accessory Design): A
American Art History: A- (what!?!?!)
So, a pretty stellar final term, may not have been stellar enough to boost my GPA up above the honors mark, but I'm waiting to hear from the academic dean regarding the .0005 difference...gah!
edit: Going to graduate with honors! Boo-ya :P
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| Time: | 12:30 pm. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. |
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Words cannot describe how relieved I will be in just 3 1/2 hours.
I have my last exam and obligation of my undergraduate work until 4:00.
I still do have cleaning and packing to do, but academic responsibilites=OVER!
I'm so excited to graduate, have friends and family here, go to Boston, go to Europe, and to move to Montana.
I was feeling really anxious this month, about life in general, but I'm pretty excited/happy at this very moment.
P.S. I know I got A's in directing and indp. study, jury's still out on senior seminar and american art!
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| Time: | 10:16 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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I haven't updated in a really long time...
HIGHLIGHTS:
+I'm doing be best to sell a ton of my stuff before I move out
+Last day of classes is Wednesday
+15 pg paper, performance opens for directing, play analysis, 2 "recycled" bags, and a final exam before graduation
+graduation on June 2nd
+Good grades?
+Senior art show successful!
+I'm moving to Montana on a full GTA for costume design
+I'm going to Europe for the summer with Heather!
-I WANT TO GRADUATE ALREADY!
-I hurt my ankle and cannot run for a bit
-I don't want to clean this apartment up to move out, it's destroyed
-I'm procrastinating right now...
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amy_leigh's journal
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